Fuck appropriateness.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
