Just took my morning after pill in the library
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
