Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize