Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
