this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The uberlube is also flammable
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
