I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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