alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
