M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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