what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
