So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize