It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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