There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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