I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
