Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
