I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
