I seem to have left my pride at pride
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
