btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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