I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
