We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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