Texts From Last Night

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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Win!

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  (334): I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender. (205): Win! http://tfl.nu/0n6n
  Replies (12) Good night (5310) Bad night (828)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  you would not believe what I got pierced last night...

  (540): View more from Virginia

  son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.

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  (434): you would not believe what I got pierced last night... (540): son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear. http://tfl.nu/q4w6
  Replies (61) Good night (1952) Bad night (6486)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.

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  (856): It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk. http://tfl.nu/u52z
  Replies (19) Good night (3888) Bad night (1647)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?

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  (412): Why are there maracas in the dishwasher? http://tfl.nu/o2j7
  Replies (14) Good night (5349) Bad night (879)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission

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  (216): you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission http://tfl.nu/qszs
  Replies (7) Good night (4408) Bad night (806)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor

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  (708): seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor http://tfl.nu/2ux6
  Replies (9) Good night (910) Bad night (2460)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.

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  (207): I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside. http://tfl.nu/x4yl
  Replies (5) Good night (1658) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.

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  (330): Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys. http://tfl.nu/v1x6
  Replies (6) Good night (1776) Bad night (805)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"

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  (812): They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage" http://tfl.nu/yp3v
  Replies (5) Good night (1275) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.

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  (248): We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments. http://tfl.nu/nct0
  Replies (9) Good night (716) Bad night (1398)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.

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  (801): He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class. http://tfl.nu/8fc4
  Replies (1) Good night (410) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."

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  (269): Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler." http://tfl.nu/hnpm
  Replies (1) Good night (660) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.

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  (202): So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay. http://tfl.nu/ivx8
  Replies (4) Good night (896) Bad night (481)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone

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  (306): come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone http://tfl.nu/9a3u
  Replies (2) Good night (405) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that

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  (630): They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that http://tfl.nu/580s
  Replies (4) Good night (825) Bad night (360)

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