His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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