So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if only i could text you this smell
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
