ADVERTISEMENT

• (858): View more from California

  Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.

  Fav 27 3162 950

  share tweet
  

• (317): View more from Indiana

  I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.

  Fav 42 4553 1831

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...

  Fav 11 2468 4069

  share tweet
  

• (205): View more from Alabama

  Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

  Fav 28 6534 2248

  share tweet
  
• 

  If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.

  Fav 4 2486 1339

  share tweet
  

• (516): View more from New York

  Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.

  Fav 10 2856 1286

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.

  Fav 5 2421 1096

  share tweet
  

• (907): View more from Alaska

  I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.

  Fav 11 2450 1105

  share tweet
  

• (909): View more from California

  Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?

  Fav 8 1866 928

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.

  Fav 14 3098 1022

  share tweet
  

• (602): View more from Arizona

  This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...

  Fav 3 1689 776

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (847): View more from Illinois

  Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window

  Fav 2 664 799

  share tweet
  

• (386): View more from Florida

  Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.

  Fav 4 542 600

  share tweet
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively

  Fav 0 384 308

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.

  Fav 1 343 124

  share tweet
  

Randomize