You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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