Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Your face is a jimmy john

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  (650): Your face is a jimmy john http://tfl.nu/p2et
  Replies (7) Good night (771) Bad night (893)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Shut the hell up.

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  (970): Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude (1-970): You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ? (970): Shut the hell up. http://tfl.nu/g01x
  Replies (38) Good night (830) Bad night (1916)
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  (408): View more from California

  Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people

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  (408): Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people http://tfl.nu/thju
  Replies (12) Good night (4214) Bad night (522)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  This guy has a retainer. We're golden.

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  (902): This guy has a retainer. We're golden. http://tfl.nu/im2l
  Replies (3) Good night (789) Bad night (1971)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.

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  (402): P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide. http://tfl.nu/s8ub
  Replies (5) Good night (3777) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??

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  (856): Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray?? http://tfl.nu/zh2p
  Replies (36) Good night (1111) Bad night (4022)
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  (510): View more from California

  You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying

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  (510): You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying http://tfl.nu/xlhu
  Replies (25) Good night (2064) Bad night (5998)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.

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  (815): i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision. http://tfl.nu/h6vg
  Replies (17) Good night (8803) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.

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  (518): He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary. http://tfl.nu/x9c1
  Replies (10) Good night (1492) Bad night (738)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.

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  (904): If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day. http://tfl.nu/6nok
  Replies (8) Good night (1515) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?

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  (904): This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide? http://tfl.nu/lwqx
  Replies (13) Good night (492) Bad night (1394)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Life is too short to have fake orgasms.

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  (412): Life is too short to have fake orgasms. http://tfl.nu/1oh4
  Replies (14) Good night (2818) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.

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  (631): He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes. http://tfl.nu/wcz4
  Replies (7) Good night (1397) Bad night (728)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning

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  (336): Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning http://tfl.nu/no2z
  Replies (5) Good night (1440) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?

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  (617): Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points? http://tfl.nu/bp9f
  Replies (5) Good night (172) Bad night (314)

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