you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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