Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
