cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
