hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
