So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
