At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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