I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
