butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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