GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
