It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
its liver damage thursday
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
