K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
