we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
