My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
