She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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