last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
