I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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