But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
