marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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