she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
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he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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