You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
