i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
