i may or may not be watching the land before time
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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