All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
