so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
