did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
