also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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