his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
