I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
