here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just cropdusted the office
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
