She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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