he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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