Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
