Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
