Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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