I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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