yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
