I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
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all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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