i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
