Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
