just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
