Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
