I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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