Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it glows. i had to have it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
