If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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