why didn't you poke me back
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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