my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
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The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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