it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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