Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
