we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
