Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
