he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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