I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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