We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
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Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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