So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
