did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
