I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
