whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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