Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
