I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
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i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
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The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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