There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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