he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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