I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
