just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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