I puked a lego.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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