I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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