i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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