Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Welp...herpes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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