it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
